Salty Bastard: Why Walter turned traitor
by Built this way aka LadyB
Summary: This is more of a humor/perhaps even considered a crackish version of why Walter betrayed Hellsing. Contains Dark WalterXSeras, Hint of Girlycard and Walter, and of course some Sscariot and Millenium members. Rated M for language.


Salty Bastard: Why Walter turned Traitor. ONE SHOT.

**(Opening Note: Warning this is more of a humor/perhaps even considered a crackish version of why Walter betrayed Hellsing. Haha I just wanted to break away from the seriousness just a little. You have been warned and I hope you enjoy XD. )**

As the ashes of Iscariots trump card was deteriorating away in the wind, the last three remaining members of Hellsing, as well as a handful of Iscariot members, took a moment of unannounced truce and had a moment of respectful silence for the dying catholic solider, known as Alexander Anderson.

The nun was so shaking and on the verge of tears, she collapsed on her knees, not believing the scene before her. The young blonde man with the dark green shades beside the nun, was filled with sheer despair but could not find it in himself to kneel beside his childhood friend.

The elite members of Iscariot, Heinkel and Yumie were devastated and heartbroken their beloved chief and childhood father figure was actually dying.

Meanwhile, the fiercely beautiful iron maiden, Sir Integra Fairbook Windgates Hellsing , took out cigar, lite it, closed her eyes as she bows before Anderson. Integra even went to grab one of Alucard's near by sword to form a cross near in front of Anderson as a sign of respect for him.

Seras Victoria, the attractive young Draculina who now held the , title and status as a true vampire, felt nothing but sadness for theman who tried so hard to kill her and her master. She knew deep her heart that despite what he tried to do in the past, it was only because of his deep faith and his beliefs. It was nothing personal from the start. So Seras decided that despite his murderous intentions, she forgave the dying religious man with all her heart.

Finally, the No Life King, who defeated Alexander Anderson, stopped weeping tears of blood as he was listened to his favorite rival, kindly scolding at him to stop weeping. Anderson even requested for him to arrogantly laugh and live on, until it was time for The Count to embrace death with open arms. Alucard for once in his life, genuinely smiled at his dying enemy, and in that moment of silence, the two trump cards had a moment of mutual respect for one another. Then No Life King, who was moved by his Anderson's acceptance of his defeat, told him he cannot wait to see him after death in limbo.

After one last final sermon, and one final "Amen", Alucard smiled and whispered. "Amen." Then he stood up a little straighter and with a strong and hardy voice he announced to the warriors on the battlefield.

"Amen."

**THUD**

It was not even barely a millisecond after the "Amen" was heard until the sound of a loud thud was heard, along with harsh, rapid, and eerie windchime like "swish and swoosh" sound was heard.

Suddenly sky scraper buildings were collapsing into pieces while other buildings were toppling each other as heavyand smoky dust formed everywhere from the massive debris.

Then surrounding both the Protestants and Catholic warrior sides, were very familiar strands of blue microfilliament wires swirled in the sides and coming from the dust and smoke, that was now revealing a shadow of male figure.

As the smoke was clearing, Alucard immediately widened his eyes as he sensed that recognizable scent and presence. Integra, now seeing the figure clearly, was so beyond shocked by the sight before her, her mouth opened, making the hellsing leader forget she was smoking a cigar. Seras gave out a gasp from fright and confusion not understanding what the heck was happening in front of her. As for the Iscariot members, they stared in disbelief as the black shoe began to swerve from left to right at what was the remains of Alexander Anderson's ashes.

Right there, in front of everyone, was a very much younger and certainly much more darker version of Walter Dornez.

The youthful butler began to smother Anderson's ashes with his foot, as he threw his heard back, exposing his neck to everyone. With his head still back, put a coffin nail in his mouth, gave out an exaggerated groan as his mouth enclosed the cigarette. He then turned his attention to the audience in front of him while giving everyone a look of pure arrogance.

Alucard looked at fading ashes of what was once Alexander Anderson and dryly stated. "Hmmmf. Well…that was pretty asshole-ish. Even for me."

Integra snapped out of her initial shocked, and exclaimed. "W-WALTER! Is it really your Walter?"

"RUBBISH."

Walter merely stated as he got stomped his right foot in front of where Anderson's ashes laid, and continued. "When a man dies, he becomes rubbish. What reason is there to bother mourning rubbish? Don't you agree, Integra? "

The Iron Maiden only stared at Walter and muttered in a whisper. "Walter…"

Meanwhile, both Hienkel and Yumie were glaring and growling at the man who disrespected their beloved priest, by stepping and standing on his ashes.

"Walter, sir!" Seras Victoria shouted in pure horror as she looked at the new young butler. "What on earth-What they hell did they do to him-"

"What did they do to me?" Walter repeated in a slightly bored tone.

" Clearly, they captured and vampirized me…They also brainwashed me, and are sadly forcing me to fight against my former comrades." Walter replied mockingly to the young Draculina who was now just staring silently at him with intense fear and pain in her eyes.

The Ex butler changed his tune and lightly added. "Is that what you wanted to hear, Seras?"

"But no. I do not stand here by anyone's orders but my own. I stand before you by my own free will. I stand here as myself. Walter C Dornez. And so, following my own murderous intent…I think it is high time I sever you all from this dawn. "

"Walter…" Integra sadly whispered lightly as she then clenched her fist and it trembled in anger.

"WHY WALTER?" Integra shrieked in painful fury.

"DON'T SAY MY NAME ANYMORE!" Walter quickly responded but then stopped for a moment.

Integra raised her eyebrow. "THEN WHAT IN BLOODY HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO REFER YOU AS? TRAITOR? WANKER? OR TRECHUOUS WANKER? "

Walter gave a bitter laugh at his former master's comment. "I think Walter C. Dornez will do just fine thank you. "

"So basically…what Integra Helsing said from the beginning? She did refer you as Walter, so I don't understand why you would get so upset by her response unless of course you were trying to use that stupid come back as an excuse to avoid the question as to why you betrayed Hellsing. " Yumie pointed out as Heinkel gave her a look of confusion as to why she would even get into the discussion.

The Angel of Death blinked for a moment as he yanked his dark striped collared away from his neck a little. "Ah, yes Well…It seems the sadistic nun has seen through my attempt to throw you all off. But I suppose you all have the right to know why I turned traitor. "

Integra gave a deadpan gaze Walter. "Yes. I suppose we do. So I am going to restate it again before you interrupt me with such stupidity again….WHY WALTER!"

"Why…WHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY?" Walter shouted on the top of his dead lungs could take. "OH I'LL TELL YOU WHY!"

The Angel of death breathed out heavily as Integra, Seras, The Iscariot, and even Alucard were now all raising their eyebrows in curious confusion than in fear.

The ex butler scowled and pointed at Integra, Alucard, and even sweet ,innocent Seras.

"AS IF YOU THREE DIDN'T KNOW! DON'T ACT SO SHOCKED! Oh and if that Pip Bernadotte fellow was here….I'D BLAME HIM TOO! " Walter screamed in fury.

At this point the ominous atmosphere was gone and replaced by an air that was filled with not only ash, smoke, and decaying bodies everywhere, but now was polluted by the stench idiocy.

Integra snorted as she began. "Acting? What are you talking about? What on earth could we possibly have done to make you become a traitor? "

"Oh you really want to know? Well, I'll be more than happy to tell you. Let's start with this asshole over there!" Walter scoffed as he pointed at the No Life King.

Alucard raised in eyebrows. "Me? The hell did I ever do to you? I thought we were friends. You were one of the few humans I once respected. I practically saw you grow up and grow old in Hellsing. I don't see what I could possibly have done to upset you."

Walter's jaw dropped at the moment, perplexed at the fact Alucard truly couldn't see why he blamed him for his treachery. Then he closed his mouth and snarled in annoyed frustration as he pointed out.

"It's simple really…" The Ex Butler started, " You played a part, if anything, had everything to do with why I turned traitor."

Walter gave out an ugly crazed look of rage and utter insanity. "Ever since I was fourteen, my life was a living hell when I met your deviled ass! It was bad enough I had to carry you and your coffin like a pack-mule in every mission we went on, but the fact you choose to fight in that teenage girl form with that deep baritone male voice….It crept the living FUCK out of me!"

Integra and Seras blinked and turned their attention to Alucard who was at this point not suppressing a grin.

"Master! What on earth is Walter talking about?" Seras finally asked.

Walter then turned his attention to Seras. "Would you really like to know Seras, of your master's other form?"

Integra furrowed in confusion. "Alucard? You have another form."

"Indeed I do. Then again I have different kinds of forms. The one that punk ass bitch over there is referring was the one I used during the 1940's. I portrayed myself as a small teenage girl and fought most of my battles this way to throw the enemy off for a second…and within that second it was all it took to kill every one of them." Alucard stated as he smiled.

Seras and Integra looked at eachother and then dryly asked, "Why?"

" Well, as I said to Walter before, that form held no meaning to me. It still doesn't. If anything, that form merely symbolizes my mockery to the world. The appearance of a little innocent girl who kills those who deserved to be killed, seemed like a fun idea at the time." Alucard shrugged for a moment and added, " To be fairly honest, I took the form of a Jewish girl I saw on one of my missions. She was running but before I could save her, she was shot instantly. She was a beautiful girl. Such a shame those Nazi's killed her, but I did avenge her by killing them right after. Only the difference between me and this girl, was that the girl had a huge chest like the police girl. "

Seras turned away and scowled as her master laughed. "But despite my flatter than Sir Integra chest-"

"THE HELL!" Integra shouted as she blushed while Heinkel and Yumie couldn't help but chuckle at Alcuard's comment.

"Hahaha As I was saying…" Alucard continued, no longer suppressing a grin. "Despite my flat chest in that girl form, that didn't stop Walter from flirting with me when we met."

"You bastard." Walter muttered as his body trembled and formed fists. "That was your fault and you know it."

Seras blinked while Integra glasses flashed. "What on earth happened when you two met?"

"Oh I'll tell you what happened." Walter snarled as he began to close his eyes recalling that dreadful event.

**Flashback: **

_It was 1944 in August. Walter received news that he was receiving a new fighting partner. He was leaning in Arthur Hellsing's desk as he began to smoke a coffin nail and sighed every few seconds. Walter was already foul mood since he couldn't believe Arthur strongly suggested that he needed one. He was the Angel of Death for crying out loud. He was able to defeat armies of Ghouls and kill them all in under fifteen seconds flat. The Hellsing butler did not want-_

Then in that moment, the door opened as his master, Arthur Hellsing came into his office and smiled at his most trusted solider and butler.

"Ah! Good! You came here early. Very good Walter. Now behind me is the person whom you will spend most of your time with from here on out. " Arthur announced as he turned toward the door way. "You may come in now!"

A small petite figure with long ebony hair glided past Arthur and she stood in front of Walter with her hand on her hip. She had an a white attire that consisted White shoes, white tux, white trench coat, completed with a fuzzy white hat on top. She had the widest pair of red eyes and had plump pink lips.

All in all, This girl despite her mannish attire, was so adorably hot.

"Why hello there, love!" Walter greeted as he swaggered his way to the petite girl in front of him. "So…You my new partner girly?"

The young girl, smiled and nodded.

"I see…A quiet little pop-it aren't we? If you tell me your name and give me a kiss on the lips, I'll let you call me Wally-kins. " Walter whispered seductively as he gingerly took a strand of the girls hair and kissed it. "And what my I ask is the young girl's name, Sir Arthur?"

As Walter glanced at Arthur Hellsing, he noticed he was biting his lip with tears in his eyes. Then he lost it when his eyes met Walter's confused ones and leaned on a wall to howl in laughter.

Walter raised his eyebrows. "Sir? What is so funny?"

He then looked at the girl. "Forgive him, he must be drunk again."

"He isn't. He's just laughing because you just flirted with a man." Said the manly voice that came out of the girl's mouth.

If there was ever a moment in Walter's Dornez's life he was truly confused, disgusted, and embarrassed, this was it. He gaped at the form that was now turning into a large six foot four man who was now grinning at him. "The name's Alucard, Wallykins."

**Flashback End: **

Both Integra and Seras bit their lips and then lost it themselves as the story ended.

Walter yelled as he pointed at The overly happy No Life King. "THIS IS JUST LIKE 55 YEARS AGO! DAMN IT! DAMN YOU!"

Alucard rolled his eyes. "Oh Calm down. You didn't kiss me or slapped my ass or anything like that. But you certainly had a way with making a first impression on women…and apparently male transvestite vampires for that matter."

Seras laughed. "I can't believe it Master! You are so mean!"

"Haha You were the human boy who flirted with Alucard? That was my favorite bedtime story that father told me as a child! He didn't tell me it was you!" Integra added as she rubbed tears away from her eyes.

"Oh you think it's funny Integra?" Walter snorted as he gave her a dirty look.

"Yes. Yes I do." Integra said dryly. "Okay. So what about me? What did I do to make you become traitor?"

Walter sneered at her. "Remember how you threw me that birthday two weeks ago?"

Integra blinked for a moment and shrugged. "Yeah. You're sixty ninth birthday party. What? Are you serious? I wanted to make you happy!"

The ex butler narrowed his eyes. "How in the hell was that party supposed to make me happy?

The iron maiden made a confused face. "Please do explain what was wrong with it."

Walter rolled her eyes and then started to talk. "Let's review it shall we?"

Meanwhile Yumie made a face at Heinkel. "How in the hell did this become story time with the geezer?"

Heinkel shrugged. "I dunno. We can't just attack him now. "

"Why not?" The Nun grunted as she grabbed her sword. "I could easily end his life less than five seconds."

Heinkel jiggled his typical green shades that apparently all Catholic Priests wear even though in history there hasn't ever been a Catholic priest in history who wears trench coats, wear green shades, and carry guns around with them twenty four seven.

"Well logic tells me, that since we just witnessed that the old man who is clearly having a mid life crisis- no scratch that, near death crisis, that he still contains his deadly wires. We just witnessed about ten minutes ago, the shitty butler using the wires, to slice the buildings in barely three seconds. So logically, Yumie you wouldn't be stupid enough to go after a guy who can use his wires, that have the ability to travel faster than the speed of light distance. I mean it would be pretty stupid to run at him alone and slice him with a sword since he will most likely kill you by the time you barely six feet away from him."

The nun blinked and smiled. "Oh I see. Thanks Heinkel. That would have been pretty stupid to do something like that!"

Heinkel nodded and the two Catholic warriors laughed. Then they realized that everyone was staring at them and hushed down.

Walter raised his eyebrows. "Are you done now? I was about to reveal to Integra about that party?"

Yumie and Hehinkel nodded.

The butler coughed. "As I was saying, Let's review shall we?"

**Flashback: **

_It was a typical gloomy day in the Hellsing Mansion. The sun wasn't appearing, their was rain and thunderstorms, and despite all of this, Walter Dornez was pretty happy._

Now, one might think because one would be turning sixty nine years old, that would bring an old john bull like, Walter C Dornez down. At the moment however Walter never felt more alive. To him, being sixty nine just proved he outlived most of the Hellsing operatives which meant that he truly was the master of death.

This epiphany however was short lived when he entered the main room and there, was something he didn't expect.

"SURPRISE!"

Walter blinked as Integra, Seras, Pip Bernadotte, and even Alucard were wearing party hats and had a purple cake in the center of the table and a gift.

The Hellsing butler beamed. "Is this all for me?"

"Ah, no. no. no. It's for the other mentally ill butler geezer we know." Alucard responded dryly, as the vampire was met with stomp on his foot by Sir Integra.

"Alucard, really? That's no way to respect our elders!" She exclaimed.

Walter started to felt his happy high fading a bit but decided to ignore those comments. "It's perfectly alright Sir Integra. So what do you have for me here?"

Seras motioned at the cake. "I baked you a cake!"

Walter smiled at the cute vampire girl. "Why thank you Seras! Is that blueberry cake? I am asking because of the color!"

Seras giggled and shook her head. "Nope! It's prune! It's always very moist because I thought it would be mushy enough for you to eat. I understand that denchers can be very annoying when they must chew on hard food, so I did research, and I heard Prunes are very good for silver foxes such as you!"

Walter now felt no longer happy but a little annoyed. Still, he put on a brave face and replied. "How thoughtful, Seras thank you."

The Frenchman now handed his presents. "Open them! This one is from me!"

The butler thought perhaps if his greeting and cake sucked, that at least he might get a cool gift.

He opened the gift and stared at it for a long moment. "Denchers, a hearing aid, a pair of adult diapers, and a senior discount on the "I'M STILL ALIVE" clothing store."

"I knew you would love it!" Pip smiled at the others who were smiling back.

Oh how fate loved to mess with Walter. Deep within his body he felt his old stale blood fueled with anger as he stared at his so called comrades and couldn't believe how insulting they were. He questioned that day if they actually did care for them.

**Flashback End: **

Integra scoffed. "So this is the thanks for throwing you the birthday party any old man would want. "

Walter gawked at her in disbelief. "WHAT OLD MAN WOULD WANT A PARTY LIKE THAT?"

"I thought we were being nice." Seras whispered as her eyes held tears at how hard she worked on the prune cake. Pip was laughing hysterically inside her body because normally he would have felt bad but considering that Walter was secretly a traitor from the start, the French mercenary didn't give a fuck.

"Nice? Pfft. Quite the opposite really." Walter snorted as he shook his head in disapproval. "Really, you could have gotten me new clothes, a car, a gift card. Anything of the constant reminder I was close to death!"

"Alright. So apart from being a selfish and ungrateful bitch…" Alucard started as he now twirled his finger toward the direction at his fledging. "Now tell us, what on earth has the police girl contributed to your decision to become a pussy and betray us. I really want to hear the truth come out of your lips."

Seras nervously fidgeted as all the eyes were on her and stammered aloud "Y-Y-Yes Walter. I would like to er…hear…I mean…Please tell me what I did. I mean, I don't understand…How did on earth did I-"

Before Seras Victoria could finish however, she was met with a soft-faced Walter. A lot like the one she remembered back when he was his normal old self. Only clearly the gentle look was now being made by a much younger and undeniably attractive version of Walter C. Dornez.

"You wish to know…why Seras? Why you contributed to my decision to become traitor?" Walter softly asked to the very nervous Draculina in front of him.

Seras nodded as the suspense was killing Integra and even some of the members of Iscariot since from all the stupid reasons Walter has been giving them, they want to see if this reason will pawn all the others.

"It's because…I-"

Then something disturbing happened at that moment Walter began speaking. His monocle flashed as along with a faint blush along his face that was now starting to perspire due to the fact Walter had on a look what looked like nervous determination. Integra gave out a weird look while Iscariot wanted to understand what the hell was wrong with the butler. Alucard however only cracked on a Cheshire cat smile since he already knew all about Walter's little secret he's been harboring ever since Seras Victoria arrived in Hellsing.

"You?…" Seras replied now a little scared out what was going to come out of his mouth.

"Come on, Angel of Death…Tell her. Tell everyone what you have been planning to do…" Alucard taunted as small snickers were escaping his mouth.

Walter closed his eyes for a moment, breathed a long unnecessary breath, and as he opened his eyes filled with a look that can only be described as pure lust, desire, and madness, he confessed…

"AFTER MY DEFEAT ON ALUCARD, I WAS GOING TO AND STILL PLAN TO CAPUTRE YOU AND FORCE YOU TO MATE WITH ME AND BE MINE!"

If there was ever a moment of awkward silence, it was nothing compared to the horror that was being shown here. Honestly, the awkward was so thick, about two burnt tumble weeds flew across between Walter and the others.

Alucard at this point began to hysterically laugh as he collapsed on all fours, crying tears of blood, as the others were trying to comprehend what they just heard. It took a moment for Integra Hellsing to snap out of her daze, for her to begin shuddering at what her ex employer just said. Meanwhile, half the Iscariot were snickering in disgust while the others were troubled at the fact this once old man was now trapped in a youthful body and declaring his love for a newly and nineteen year old looking vampire girl.

Seras Victoria just stared wide eyed at Walter and let out an,"EHHHHHHH!"

Walter then had the look of pure madness again as he looked down from Seras and began his explanation.

"You…You…You, Seras Victoria, have been taunting me since you first arrived here about three months ago! Not only did it piss me off, that Alucard was not only powerful, strong, and potentially immortal being….but now he had an overly attractive young woman as his servant? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?" The butler bellowed as he continued.

"Look at you Seras! That body…that curvy body that is every man's fantasy. That curvy frame, that perfect little waist, those long legs, and don't even get me started on your chest. What kills me however, besides that alluring body of yours is your face. Those luscious plump baby pink lips, those huge beautiful eyes, the little button nose, that silky soft blonde hair in that sexy short spikey style. IT was all to much for me to handle…Even as a old man I found out I could still get a-

"ENOUGH! STOP RIGHT THERE!" Integra shouted as she covered her eyes and felt the rush of blood rushing to her face. "For FUCKS sake, Walter that was too much information. "

"HAHAHAHA" Alucard hollered with laughter as he smiled at the perverted Angel of Death and at his innocent little servant.

Seras gave out a small shriek in horror as she covered her face. "Good lord. What the hell…This can't be happening. This isn't real. Oh god, please tell me my ears are deceiving me."

Walter stared at Seras's reaction and lightly blushed himself. "It's the bloody truth my beautiful moon princess. Remember that? Remember how we used to watch episodes of the American dub version of Sailor Moon I bought for you on VHS, together and how I would call you that? I wanted to be your Darien! "

Seras made a revolted look. "I never heard you once call me that ever in my life."

"That's because he was thinking it in his head." The No-Life king answered as he gave a toothy girn. "Once again Walter, this just proves even though you are in a body of your thirty year old self, that you still are in fact that mad old sixty nine year old fool of Walter C Dornez."

Walter scoffed. "Say what you will. I will defeat you and Seras will be my love muffin and forever be mine! OH SERAS MY DARK DISNEY PRINCESS, HOW I WISH TO MAKE LOVE TO -

"You better not finish that sentence! " The young draculina shouted as she shuddered. "I-I-Thought you said, earlier you changed! Or that you were brainwashed…Like you were chipped or something which makes you not feel any emotion or something!"

Meanwhile at that moment, The Major and Doc blinked at the screen for a moment and absorbed what the young draculina's point and the major turned his attention to the doc.

"Come to think of it. The vampire girl haz a point." The Major commented as he rubbed his face. "Doc. Vat iz the meaning of this? "

The dark blonde man with the bad haircut along with half a shirt, scratches his head for a moment as he looked at his remote. "Hmm…I am not so sure herr major. Oh vait a moment. I almost forgot to tell you. Since I had to rush his surgery a little, I didn't take all his emotions out. "

The Major raised his eyebrows in confusion. "Vhat do you mean, Doc?"

"Vell, I only removed only the major emotions that vould restrain him from fighting hellsing. I took out sadness, love, sympathy, regret, and so forth. Yet, I only left anger, hate, and…oh dear."

"Vhat?" The Major asked. "Vhat is it?"

Doc lightly looked the side as he gulped. "Anger, Hate, and….lust where left. Heh Heh…I forgot about that one."

The Major slapped his own forehead but sighed. "That explains it. "  
Doc sighed. "Major I told you ve should have taken Valter a day early to vork out any kinks. I mean it haz been fifty years since hiz betrayal and it vould have made more sense to fix him earlier… "

Major laughed. "Ah, well. At least he's not lusting over us. The look on the Draculina's face was too priceless.

Back at the blacktops of broken buildings, Walter shrugged at Seras's question. "It seems despite all my negative emotions, my theory is that Doc forgot to take out my burning passion and hidden desire I had and still have for you."

Seras twitched at his response and could almost practically hear Pip swearing in her head in both English and French at the butler's confession toward his girl.

Integra rubbed her forehead with a revolted look on her face. "Well Walter this last reason certainly takes the cake. I truly do not believe what's worse. The fact that you have betrayed Hellsing for so long, or the fact that my ex sixty nine year old butler, who now has the vampiric appearance of his thirty year old youthful self, has lusted over a nineteen year old new born vampire girl…"

"Oh I can answer that question easily, Sir Integra." Seras lightly muttered as she shuddered and glared at the ex Hellsing butler in front of her. "You are the bloodiest pervert I have ever met. You make Pip Bernadotte look bloody pure."

Walter shifted his gaze to the side. "I knew you would react this way. I hoped that by retaining my old beautiful face, flawless body, and wear these skin tight leather pants with a matching vest, would have charmed you enough to ditch Hellsing and be mine. "

The iron maiden grabbed a cigar. " Honestly, I think I need a bloody drink."

Seras twitched at his comment and snapped. "You can look look my bloody age, and I still wouldn't date you! You are still sixty nine years old. Also, I love Pip! He sacrificed his life to save me from the bitch Zorin-Hang on a moment."

The young draculina pointed at Walter. "So, the reason, I lost my bloody arm and the potential love life I could have had with Pip Bernadotte was because you gave that man gorilla, Zorin Blitz the information she needed to attack us…"

Walter fixed his monocle, clearly ashamed and guitly. "I knew you would survive."

"YOU SALTY BASTARD!" Seras growled in anger. "IS THAT HOW YOU SHOW AFFECTION? THANKS TO YOU, I GOT MY ASS KICKED BY A FUGLY TATOO SHE MALE, ALMOST LOST MY EYESIGHT, LOST MY HUMAN LIKE ARM ONLY TO HAVE IT REPALCED BY BLACK AND RED SHADOW WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS THING IS, AND THE CHERRY ON TOP OF ALL THIS IS I HAVE A PERVERTED TWENTY SIX YEAR OLD MAN GHOST INSIDE MY BODY, WHO WILL ETERINALLY SEE ME NAKED, HEAR MY THOUGHTS, AND SEXUALLY HARASS ME BY POPING IN AND OUT OF MY BODY OR COMING OUT OF THE WALLS WHEN I'M CHANGING OR SHOWERING FOR THE REST OF MY UNDEAD LIFE!"

Walter winced a little, realizing this wasn't a way to woman's heart, and then held his arms out. "At least you became a true vampire."

"BLOODY WANKER!" Seras said as she gave him the finger. "To think I was acutally going to thank you for everything you have done for me and tell you it was an honor to work by you. But now that I know you were nothing but a treacherous disgusting pervert who wanted to get inside my skirt, I now say to you…HOPE YOU AND YOUR BLOODY TIGHT BLACK LEATHER PANTS GO DIE A MISRABLE DEATH."

Walter, Integra, and even some of the members of Iscariot blinked at Seras's sudden change of character. Alucard, however, howled with laughter as he smiled at Seras' new found badassery.

"My fledging is right Walter…You truly are one Salty Bastard Walter…."

_**End Note: **_  
_**Lmao this was clearly to be humorous and crackish. I didn't want to do a dramatic one since I'm pretty much terrible at it. I just thought I'd lighten the mood a was for a contest on DA and I couldn't resist a Dark Walter fic! XD In the mean time I'm still working on Seras's Secret Diary. Hope you enjoyed this little treat of LULZ. XD **_


End file.
